From the ‘Evil Henchmen Guide’, How to Be a Villain:
Mean English Teachers
These sadistic henchmen are perfect for when you want to inflict the greatest amount of pain possible. They are arrogant, humorless, and ridiculously strict, insulting their pupils intelligence because they couldn’t become writers themselves. They can extinguish any sense of creativity once held by an individual, as well as transform previously enjoyable literary works into nightmares of horror and confusion. Their monotonous tones are capable of driving even the sanest person to the brink of insanity, useful when you are in need of a torture master. Long after a child has grown up and become a hero, the sign of a mean English teacher continues to cause fear and discomfort.
Other henchmen possibilities
Classic thugs
Mutants Robot warriors
Ninjas (winners of the Henchmen of the Year award more than any other group)
Aliens
Demented clowns
Computer programmers
Winged monkeys
The undead
Reports of my death have been grossly exaggerated
I am still alive, really.
I’ve been engrossed in other things, and sadly neglecting my blog. My apologies. As I said to one blogette who complained about the lack of posts, I really didn’t know I had an audience. Aside from stalwarts Bill & Becca, comments are few and far between. I assumed the chirping crickets meant I was writing into a void. Apparently I was wrong, and teeming hordes of readers are breathlessly awaiting my next bon mot. No pressure, of course.
Anyway, in an effort to prove that I really do care, I’ve added a page of educational resources. Go there. It’s good for you, like bran flakes, but without the rush to the loo.
Well, you ask (apparently), what have I been doing with myself? – catching up on backissues of the Times Literary Supplement – stripping paint off of every painted surface in the house (or so it seems) – researching texts for my upcoming Lit courses – laundry – researching refurbished laptops – learning code (yes, I’ve gone to the dark side) – reading, reading, reading
I just finished Everything is Illuminated, by Jonathan Safran Foer, which came with many recommendations. I now officially add my recommendation to the list. 
The book is funny, sad, tragic, well-written… definitely worth the time. Part of the appeal for me is that Zoer doesn’t hit you over the head with too much exposition – and he’s paced it so that you suddenly realize where everything is headed and think to yourself “Oh my God, I was laughing at that?!?”
Other recent reads:
Black Bird, by Michel Basilieres
This is a must-read for Montrealers. Basilieres takes extraordinary liberties with Montreal history, but taps into our municipal psyche rather well. Nationalists may find the book a little offensive, but no one on either side of the debate walks away unscathed. The family at the center of the action is the DeSouche clan, half French, half English, all nuts in their own special ways. The setting is downtown Montreal, just before the October Crisis. There are some extremely funny moments, and some even more extremely disturbing ones. There’s an anglo doctor creating his very own Frankenstein, using Brother Andre’s heart, no less. There’s a crow (hence the title) who plucks out the patriarch’s eye. And above all there are myriad references that make a Montrealer all warm and fuzzy.
Lots and lots of P.D. James
I think I’m addicted.
Currently on the nightstand:
How to Read Literature Like a Professor
If I’m gonna be one…
How to Be a Villain
courtesy of Dina and Steve. Muahahaha.
Life of Pi